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Story - Second Draft

After completion of the story's initial draft, I decided to take a look through it to see what improvements or adjustments could be made to flesh out the story. The plot itself is fine and seems to flow naturally, it just needed to be expanded on so it can provide a clearer picture of what goes on within the story. With this in mind, most refinements were focused on making the story more descriptive and engaging rather than changing the plot.

 

I have also addressed the issue in regards to the 'nameless' protagonist; I decided to name him Frederick Irwin, which is a 20th Century style English name suitable for this game's setting.

After years of bloodshed, the Second World War came to a close. With dark looming smoke polluting the skies like an active volcano, entire streets were on the brink of ruin, while the fields are left infested with blood and decaying bodies.

 

Dr Bram, a new surgeon traversing the fields of the dead, discovers a handful of army medical facilities and decides to join one. As he begins to treat one of the many injured soldiers, he quickly realises that neither he or anyone else has the tools or the knowledge to reverse all the suffering that has afflicted these soldiers; the war had taken a toll on them, some have shattered bones beyond repair, severe post-traumatic stress disorder, and even parasites crawling around in their body.

 

As time progressed, Dr Bram teetered on the edge of madness; his heart withered and his sense of humanity became abnormal as he thinks of a way to prevent more bloodshed from happening; the war had merely been put into remission as conflict froze over, so he had to find a way of having one side make short work of the other in case everything started to explode again.

 

He approached a group of army officials, offering to perform experiments on their wounded, untreatable soldiers, and transform them into mutants with new abilities as well as enhanced strength and speed. The officials – sickened and looking concerned for Dr Bran’s mental stability – declined and suggested to reconsider the inhumanity of his plans, and recommended he moved back to his home to regain his sanity. However, he felt that this was completely against his goal.

 

He eventually moved into a hospital and was able to save many lives due to his experience in the army. Unfortunately, he was never the same person after that gloomy afternoon in the medical facility; his methods of treating patients resulted in horrifying, life-altering complications. It appears that he knew how to save lives, just not improve the quality of life. After many meetings, he was taught all the processes behind treating illnesses, and eventually, his expertise allowed him to save lives under pressure and become the lead surgeon of the hospital.

 

Ten years later, he was promoted to head surgeon of the hospital and made use of the many special privileges allowed. For several years, he had been drawing up plans and continuing research into enhancing humans. With his status and influence, he was able to close off several wards of the hospital and begin building his own lair, out of sight from everyone else. He managed to set up his own surgery full of nefarious instruments and living quarters in an old run-down storage warehouse; it had been abandoned for a very long time, as evident with the number of cobwebs attached to the sticky mouldy walls; thus, no one was likely to walk in to witness the inhumane experiments Dr Bram was about to conduct.

 

The year is now 1967 and a young man, called Frederick Irwin, aged 21, is admitted into the hospital with sharp shooting pains in his stomach like he had been shot recently. The reality is, he has appendicitis, but he is unsure on what the issue really is or what caused it, and just after he reaches the entrance, he suddenly loses consciousness and collapses in the main lobby, where a team of doctors rushed out and placed him on a gurney.

 

Later on, he regains consciousness in a dark twisted looking surgery room full of indescribable instruments, with lights flickering and a storm raging outside. He tried to remember the brief times he woke up, recalling the moments where he saw bright lights passing vertically across his line of sight, but alas, he had no recollection of how he got here.

 

He looks around to get his bearings while his eyes adjust to the darkness. There was a sudden crash originating from nearby, followed by screams of fright, “Oh my… Oh my god! How did you escape?! No, please! Don’t eat me! Your food is in there okay? You can eat the patient, just leave me alone!” she says frantically as she makes herself scarce.

 

Frederick looks at the window to see a horrifying figure scurrying across with nothing but a flash of light to illuminate it. From what he could see, it was a creature, previously human in fact, but without any resemblance of humanity left within. It was disfigured with glowing red eyes and a mouth covered with a strange mask, making a faint but disturbing pounding noise every few seconds. Frederick realises that it is coming after him instead of the screaming woman, and by instinct alone, he leaps off the bed and into the old eerie warehouse that has been closed off for years, looking for a door to escape.

 

Amongst all the dust and cobwebs, he notices the shutter to the warehouse and begins to approach it. However, something seems very off; the shutter doesn't appear to have been lowered properly. Frederick notices a ghastly looking hand trying to raise it up from the ground, slowly but surely, the shutter squeaks like nails on a chalkboard while it is being lifted, allowing fog to seep in from the outside illuminated by the occasional bolt of lightning.

 

Now with the imminent danger behind him, Frederick begins to flee towards the office door further within the warehouse, only to find that it’s locked. He looks back at the shutters and panicked as he realises that they are half open, revealing a pair of crooked legs shaking eerily and struggling to keep the monster’s body upright. In a hurry, Dr Bram knocked some desks over and left a couple of clues detailing a way to escape the monster before it’s too late; Frederick was left with an opening.

 

After escaping the warehouse and entering Dr Bram’s office, Frederick begins to see drawings of previous specimens hung on the wall, framed with notes detailing the features given to each of them, as well as the enhancements and the unforeseen side effects they all displayed. He found documents spanning years, showing the steps the doctor had taken to proceed with his research in secret. There is also an entire collection of awards the doctor has won, along with piles of articles giving him special praise from the local community; he is perceived as a local hero who saves people from life-threatening situations.

 

The only thing that he was missing was a few subjects to participate in his dehumanising experimentation, but as a result of all the letters from the army constantly rejecting his methods, he began taking registered patients from the hospital and experimented on them instead; to the outsider, said patients were merely disappearing without a trace. He first took those that were nearing death and couldn’t be treated and those who were left without a family or any friends that would hear about their passing. Clearly showing a disturbing obsession with his research, he eventually started taking those who have a fighting chance and can heal up from their injuries and ailments. All he had to do was fake a death certificate and falsely claim that the patient is dead, so he could take them to the warehouse for his own personal work.

 

While checking through more documents, Frederick feels the same shooting pain he felt in his stomach earlier in the day. Unsure of the cause, he realises that he must leave and find help before his symptoms escalate. Before making a swift exit from Dr Bram’s office, he finds his own file revealing the cause of his symptoms; he was admitted to hospital and diagnosed with appendicitis.

 

He looks down his abdomen to check for any scars, only to make a disturbing discovery that he has not been operated on; he was instead taken to the warehouse where all these horrifying specimens have been morphed beyond recognition. Seconds later, Frederick heard the pounding noises again, but they were much louder. He dropped his file and turned his head to find the monster – seen in all his terrifying glory – leaning on the window from the other side, staring a hole through Frederick with his demented eyes.

 

He escapes the office in the warehouse and tries to run through the perimeter and towards the main building; he hobbled forward on pure adrenaline while also struggling to breathe, he did everything in his willpower to distance himself from the monster.

 

A part of him expected the next place to be as horrific as the last; dark, eerie and infested with monsters that are incomprehensible to the human mind. However, there was no time to worry about the path ahead of him, as he urgently needs to find medicine to stop the pain, while also seeking surgery to have the appendix removed.

 

He breaches through the first set of double doors he comes across and finds himself in the main building. Strangely, it is perfectly clean, well-lit, warm and welcoming, which is a stark contrast from the dark creepy warehouse and the cold bitter outside he just ran through.

 

As adrenaline begins to reside, he starts experiencing the abdominal pain again, only it is getting much worse. In shock by the pain suddenly returning, he desperately asks the nurse for help, explaining that his appendix will rupture soon and he may die if he is not given an operation immediately. Seeing this as a medical emergency, the nurse runs off to bring out the hospital’s best surgeon available; Dr Bram. Knowing all his background history, Frederick experiences a sinking feeling before being inoculated and placed on the nearest gurney.

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